One month

Tomorrow will be one month from my first weigh-in of the year--January 1, so now it's time to stop and think about how I've done. I'll report on the official weigh-in tomorrow, but for now I can say that I haven't been "perfect" at anything I set out to do. I haven't worked out 6 days every week, I haven't kept all unhealthy foods from my lips, and I haven't even always limited my portions. I also haven't done all the things from the Beck Diet for Life book. But ya know, I really think I'm doing okay. I am exercising, I am eating less, I am eating healthier, and I am losing some weight.

I still haven't found a diet buddy, but I think I could if I would just ask. Part of me hates having anyone know that I'm "dieting" though. I hate that whole diet culture. Or maybe I hate the stereotype of fat or self-absorbed women who are always trying to be thinner because that's what they're supposed to do. Like it's a mark of womanhood to be on a diet. I'd much rather call it "eating healthy." I just all-around have an aversion to telling people what my plans for life are--what I want to accomplish or what I am attempting. A safety-net against the day of failure, maybe. An inability to allow others permission to see or acknowledge that yes I am one of those fat people who needs to lose weight. Or even a not-so-fat person who is obsessed with such a shallow thing as weight and appearance. So, okay, maybe I need to deal with the fact that it matters so much to me what people think or might think or could think. Live out loud, isn't that what I tell myself? Narrate my world--speak back into it. Walk in the light, don't hide in the corner. Easier said than done, for me at least.

But I'm getting there. I am moving forward, making progress. Sing with me now: "Put one foot in front of the other....."