Dreamin' big.

I'm afraid to dream big. What I really want is a smokin' hot bod (or at least smokin' enough that I could wear a two-piece swimsuit) so that my hubby and I could go on a beach vacation for our 25th anniversary. Sure, we could still go on a beach vacation even if I didn't have a bikini bod, but I sure would like the bikini bod. And the verve to enjoy it with my hubby. But that seems way too big and impossible. And too expensive. It would cost a lot, in terms of time and commitment. I'd have to work at it single-mindedly, and I don't have the margin for that. Yeah, yeah, all sorts of reasons why it's not a realistic goal, but does that mean it can't be a dream? And can't dreams find their way into my daily decisions?

Likewise I'm afraid to set 150 as a goal when that's really my goal. If it set it and don't get there, I'll be disappointed. I'll be a failure. So I'll set an easier goal. Better yet, I'll leave it all so nebulous and safe that I convince myself it's not really all that important--that a few slipups here and there, a few concessions to my inner fat girl won't really hurt anything because it all doesn't really matter that much anyway since I'm just sort of seeing where I end up. Like I want to lose weight and get fit as a result of a little bit of effort and a lot of magic. It's time to embrace the HARD. Do the hard things.