Do good to feel good.

My Friday weigh-in was 161, which is a loss of 3 pounds from the previous week, and one pound away from my February goal. The weekend is upon me, and it's not just any weekend, but Valentine's Day. My dear husband, who loves me and knows I love peanut m&m's, gave me a bag of them. He didn't make me abuse them, though. I COULD have limited myself to one serving yesterday and one serving today, and that would have fit in fine with my calorie goals, but that's not what I did. After a pretty darned good day of sticking to my calorie goals yesterday, even including a meal out, I came home and scarfed down half a bag. And the bag is currently almost empty. :-(

My reasoning is so stupid: If it eat them all now, they'll be gone, and then I won't be tempted by them anymore. Maybe there is some sense there. Maybe I so dislike the stress of the temptation that I'll take the quickest route to eliminating it. Never mind that giving the m&m's to my kids would do the same thing. My options, in my own mind, seem limited to eating it or not eating it, sitting in the disequilibrium of temptation or restoring equilibrium by giving in to temptation. The outcome--getting rid of temptation by eating it out of existence--proves that I still believe eating is better than not eating. Somewhere I still believe that deprivation is worse than filling myself with crap, even knowing intellectually as I do that the crap is harmful. I need to settle it in my mind: overeating is NOT a good thing PERIOD. I will feel bad when I'm done. Doing something good is what makes me feel good. So I'm going to go do something good right now and get off this machine.